30 July 2006

aching. terribly.

every year, i anticipate past vs pres.. only to get kicked out and end up with a full body ache.

my horoscope for today says "you've accomplished a lot. now's the time to sit back and pat yourself on the back".
what in the world have i accomplished man. weird. that's cos i don't remember accomplishing anything. maybe the melb trip is the time to sit back and relax.

early night in for me.. home pretty early for a saturday night. just couldn't take the exhaustion.. and the mood i was in. not a good sight i guess. sorry to those whom i've affected around.. it's just one of those times where i really just cannot take it anymore. but you know i still love you all. and you know that i never.. or rather rarely behave like that. it's probably a once in a blue moon thing.. so forgive me.

being erratic is probably the worst trait i have.. and it deeply affects my lifestyle. it affects me emotionally and physically. the funny thing is.. i inflict it on myself. i always try not to affect those around me. so i suffer silently.. more or less. unless with those random whinings. cos no matter how i pour out my sorrows to those close to me.. it's difficult to really understand how i'm going through i guess. but thanks. really.

"play hard, play fast, play loose and free. play as if there's no tomorrow" - grey.

that'd be tiring.

i'm aching.

02:42

26 July 2006

sonofagun.

it's so bloody hot today. i attempted to tan.. to find out i dont know where my tanning oil went to. so i just stayed out for 45 mins. and that was already torturing. oh well. tanning alone's boring. and without refreshing ice cream and ciggies.

ktv last night was fun.. even though there were boohoo moments. it was great. ktving with that bunch always leave me high.. they order like jugs and jugs of beer it's like each of us have a jug for ourselves. great bunch of people.

now i'm regretting changing my song on the blog. heh. should i change it back. or should i leave it. i'm damn fickle.

give me some adrenalin rush. i wanna get highhh.

16:24

23 July 2006

-

we'll never be satisfied with what we have.. we all always want more. more of everything. only when we have reached enlightenment then we'll know what satisfaction is all about. and from there, we will be able to know how to satisfy ourselves and not mope around in self pity or always wanting more.

if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, move around and make it happen. if it really doesn't happen, then tough luck i guess. it'll be time to find other things to make it worthwhile. (goodness.. that's a lot of 'its' for one paragraph. terrible english.)

it's these little things that have to count.

these little things.

"we deny that we're in denial. we only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe. we deny so much we can't recognise the truth right in front of us." - grey.

08:08

18 July 2006

scratch.

it's time to change the song on my blog, even though i never hear it when i go to my blog. i think my comp's screwed up. i'll change it soon when i learn it on my own. but i still love this song.. it's so sad yet so annoyingly sweet. if someone said such stuff to me i'd just fall at their feet.

it's called romantic wish.
- i spray on you so you can remember.
(and also that's the only spray i have that can be carried around. this is called diverting attention)

people, be warned/happy [whichever way you choose to look at it. i chose the latter] :
things happen when you least expect it.

"like children, we never give up hope" - doctor grey.

06:37

17 July 2006

i hate the cold.

how am i going to survive in melbourne. i have no freaking idea. that's because i absolutely hate the cold. i remember skipping so many lessons last time just because i didn't want to get out of bed.

yayy, i'm finally going back to melbourne for a visit after say 2 years.

anticipation's so great. i hope somehow i can save some more cash and bring it over to get stuff.

melbourne, await! i hope my pimples will subside before i go there and i hope it wont get worse when i'm there.

i'm thinking.. i'm going to fuck it. if i dont have enough warm clothing i'll just freeze my butt out when i'm out walking around. i'm going to embrace the damn winter.

i am too lazy to recall what i've done for the past week.. but it was fun. enthrallment.

okay honestly, i am too tired to fill up anymore. i'm heading to bed.

- everybody needs a fence to lean on

07:42

07 July 2006

code black.

i've never watched 3 episodes of a show in a row and cry. like really cry. the most that came close was the oc. on one of the 3 episodes, i sobbed from the start till the end. i'm feeling so drained out now. and yes, i am talking about grey's anatomy.

what would you do if it was your last day alive?
i thought about it, the first and only thing came in mind for me to do. i hope and yet i do not hope for that one thing to come.

"it's hard to accept the end when it's too close"- doctor grey.

05:31

06 July 2006

number 10.

and that's what i have on 1 leg. i have ten assholic mosquito bites on my leg. that's cos i went down to timbre when we were the only ones there. so naturally the mossies will feast on 8 poor souls.

happy bday chuinsy. you do know once again you keep me calm. hugs. :)
- every single day in melb
- moombas/drag racing and then we had to pee in the bushes and shortly after, running back to our cars because someone shouted 'cops'.
- monster's inc.
- market st and the best l-shaped balcony with the guys
- pool/nude photo hunt
- staying at my place/ yours (you and your annoying touching the ends-of-a-pillow habit)
all in all: melb wouldn't have been anything if you weren't there when i was. and you know that.
thus, i need you back in spore permanently.
i know you've got my back, and i definitely got yours.

something's wrong with my thinking, i need to alter some parts of it. it doesnt process well.

i need to tan more.

"here's the truth about the truth, it hurts. so, we lie."- doctor grey.

06:46

01 July 2006

w h a t i f. .

you missed out 16 years of your life because you were in a coma sort kind of thing, and suddenly woke up.. what'd you do? (take on an operation where u can be healed or you could die. / just let the thing in you swell and live just a little longer, knowing you can do as much as you can until it over swells and you die). this patient woke up.. couldn't remember how long he had been sleeping for, found out his wife and kid had moved on with their lives. so he decided to operate himself so he could have a chance and move on with his life. he didn't make it through the operation at all.

i'm so hooked to grey's anatomy that i feel so much for every character. every triumph and failure they go through.. i feel. i scare myself sometimes. cos i get so emotionally attached to so many things/people.

from now onwards, there'll either be snapple facts or doctor grey's quotes for every entry.

i love it when meredith narrates. i love it. i'm obsessed. i swear.

"maybe we're not supposed to be happy. maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. maybe being grateful means recognising what you have and what it is- appreciating small victories, admiring the struggles it takes simply to be human. maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know and maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. at the end of the day, the fact that we still have the courage to be still standing, is reason enough to celebrate." (episode: thanks for the memories).

you will know it's time when you eventually say goodbye.

"no matter how hard you fight it, you fall. and it's as scary as hell. except there's an upside to free falling- it's the chance you give your friends to catch you."

goodbye.