09 December 2006
i was right wasn't i?
about what? that the end of this year will prove to be fucked up. and indeed it has been so far. 4th yr running of fucked-up-end-of-years.
and why must some of those close to me be dragged into the shithole too. i dont get it. are we not looking at things properly? do we deserve such pain? or are we just unlucky. it's always been a series of unfortunate events hasn't it. gee. one come, all come together. i mean yea, i totally stand with the 'all for one and one for all' notion, but no, we do not deserve shit flying smack at our faces. yes, we deserve some bad karma, but no, it doesnt have to be dragged on for so long.
it has been a very long while since i saw all those close to me being happy altogether. hm, maybe i am jinxed. because i am so involved in their lives i end up jinxing them. jokes.
and why do people harbour bad thoughts that'll torture the ass out of them and not think of good ones and appreciate them for happening. no idea balls. i guess we were born to be skeptical and pessimistic. and maybe somehow it's easier to feel sad than be happy all the time. and what's worse? falling into a hole knowing you can prevent it. and to think i was quite an optimistic person.
ironically, with or without, i'll soon rot. then how balls.
and please, the last thing i need is for you to know that i will always be there for you when you need me to. and when i need you, you dont really give two hoots. or come up with excuses, like as if i am of no priority when i'm already feeling fucked. because that is not what real friends do. thanks.
loopholes everywhere.
sometimes i pray that i'd wake up stronger and be able to see what's right and what's wrong. yet somehow i'm convinced with what has been said even though it's been layed out otherwise. i wish i was ruthless. oh wait, i was long before already. no wonder i'm being tormented now.
for those who know me inside out and stand by me through the ups and downs: without you all, i can't imagine the outcome of myself. and i know that i always give you all a lot of shit because of how i am, but bear with me, i'll clean it up eventually. hopefully. (hope is an assuring yet worrying word)
okay, it's time to seek a fortune teller. then maybe somehow i can plan my life better and foresee events and prevent disasters.
it's the end of 2006 soon, all good things must come to an end yes?
wish you all well. wish you all joy. wish you all company.
dont be like me.
04:14
