29 May 2007

over my head.

i wish you'd read this.

because it just dawned on me that it still ain't over. well, at least on this side of the fence.

it's been far too long, hasn't it.

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger
I could disengage
Just say that we agree
And then never change
Soften a bit
Until we all just get along.

call me dumb but hope still breeds in me.
and honestly? the thought still lingers and bugs me once in awhile.

i always shut out the good things that come my way and welcome the bad ones.

and i threw it all away. the only thing that mattered the most to me.

13:19

23 May 2007

face down.

oh well, i guess that's it for me. i'm pmsing man. or am i just making up an excuse for how i am feeling.

i hate how my mind works.
i hate how tiny issues affect me.
i hate how i care too much.
i hate how my hair is so flat.
i hate how i keep getting zits.
i hate how i get too caught up with things.
i hate how nothing's ever easy.
i hate how i dont want anything to change.
i hate how low my confidence level is.
i hate how i can't stop this.

*distract me, anyone.

hopefully the trip to bangkok in a few weeks' time will be fun. haven't been there since 7 years ago. and i hope it'll be safe. yes, another trip. i've never travelled so much in such a short period of time before. no more trips until i start saving from scratch again.

i could be stuck here for a thousand years.

02:47

19 May 2007

discover the magic.

The perfect words never crossed my mind
Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me, screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me.
-
Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just ran out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now.. come down.
-

four points is amazing, congrats :) always knew you could do it. so now, be extra safe. blind spots are the most important. never, ever panic.

i have to laugh like a normal person. i realised how embarrassing i am.

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace.

there you are, standing right in front of me.

05:04

12 May 2007

mind reader.

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had it’s say
I guess I feel alright
But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
It’s all over me
I know you’re here, in the dark
I’m watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
And nothing else, cause you know I’d give you all of me

I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handing over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right

- you should watch the mtv. gwen's hot. but not hotter than mcadams! ha, okay enough. and seriously, i've got a mind reader with me. i wanted to download this song since i saw the mtv but lo and behold, my mind reader sends it to me without any prompting. YRMW.

that is not good. is it? hmm.

alright, i'm waiting for the week to be over. hopefully the next will be better.

say goodbye to rifle range rd in six months time. those who want to visit please do drop by. before it's gone forever. and this is dampening my spirits more. when i already feel out of sorts.

06:06

10 May 2007

for one more day.

time to watch more grey's.

"but the thing that makes us human is what we can control. after the storm, after the rush. after the heat of the moment has passed, we can cool off and clean up the mess we made. we can try to let go of what was. but then again..."

i like how there's a 'but then again'. because truth be told, it's not as easy as it sounds. nothing's ever easy to control.

hopefully the wake will be fine and that i find out she passed peacefully. as much as i dont understand the conversations because it's all in hokkien, you've left a deep impression.

nothing's going right, like i said. nothing at all.

it stings.

and it's worse when i myself know i can't make a promise. because if i do, it'll sadden me more than i already am. i'm sorry.

05:23

09 May 2007

confession.

i am obsessed with you, mcadams.

i have watched almost every single movie you have starred in. maybe only around 3 that you didn't play an important role that i didn't watch.

i know you are allergic to horses.
and you'd be a secretary because you love staplers and paper clips.
you'd also drink maple syrup if you could.

i sure do hope you get the role for 'The Time Traveler's Wife' which i hear should be coming out in '08. (it's in talks that she might be clare, one of the main characters).

your smile, those eyes. the way you carry yourself.

you blow me away.

yes, i'm obsessed. very.

---

tell me what's wrong with everything that concerns me. surely, it must be me since nothing good happens around me. i have a problem. and i have to get rid of myself.

05:40

06 May 2007

playground.

Hello again, It's you and me.
Kinda always like it used to be.
Sipping wine, killing time.
Tryin to solve life's mysteries.
How's your life? It's been a while.
God, it's good to see you smile.
I see you reachin for your keys,
Looking for a reason not to leave.

If you don't know if you should stay,
If you don't say what's on your mind,
Baby just breathe.
There's nowhere else tonight we should be.
You want to make a memory.

I dug up this old photograph,
Look at all the hair we had.
It's bitter sweet to hear you laugh.
Your phone was ringing, I don't want to ask.

If you go now, I'll understand.
If you stay, hey, I got a plan.
You want to make a memory?
You want to steal a piece of time?
You can sing a melody to me,
And I can write a couple lines.
You want to make a memory?

- i like this song.

i've been hibernating since thursday. came down with fever, cough and flu. i still feel weak. i tried going out for 2hours and i dont feel strong enough yet. should stay home more. and my stomach's bloated. i just want to fill my time with shows and mahjong. stimulates the mind within the comforts of one's home.

my arms have been so sore, and i have no idea whether it's due to the fact that i've been resting too much (maybe on my arms) or because of my fever. they hurt. sigh.

where's/who's my caretaker?

06:13

03 May 2007

yesterday.

if only the yesterdays were todays.

so then every moment will be put on repeat.

time to snap back to reality and keep my head up and look for something else. no use turning into dead ends.

be safe. behave. be good.

welcome to my secret garden, to a place where i can't remember and can't forget.